What Does Demisexual Mean? Understanding This Sexual Orientation
Introduction
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where individuals only experience sexual attraction after forming a close emotional bond with someone. It’s not about a lack of desire or shyness, but rather a specific way that sexual attraction develops. For demisexual people, a deep emotional connection is a prerequisite for experiencing sexual attraction, unlike allosexual individuals who may feel attraction based on other factors.
As awareness of diverse sexual orientations grows, more people are exploring where they fit on the spectrum of human attraction. One identity gaining visibility is demisexuality — but what does demisexual mean, and how is it different from other orientations?
MyCyberClinic through this guide, we’ll explore what it means to be demisexual, how it relates to emotional connection, and how it fits within the larger LGBTQ+ umbrella.
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What Does Demisexual Mean?
Demisexual is a term used to describe people who only experience sexual attraction after forming a deep emotional bond with someone. This doesn’t mean demisexual people never have sex or are opposed to it — rather, the attraction doesn’t usually arise until a strong connection is present.
The term comes from the prefix “demi-,” meaning half or partial, suggesting that demisexuality exists somewhere between sexual and asexual orientations.
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Demisexuality vs Asexuality: What’s the Difference?
Demisexuality and asexuality, while both falling under the broader asexuality spectrum, differ in the experience of sexual attraction. Asexuality describes the lack of sexual attraction, while demisexuality describes the experience of sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with someone.
While asexual individuals experience little or no sexual attraction, demisexual people can experience it — but only under certain conditions, like a meaningful emotional connection.
| Asexual | Demisexual |
| May never feel sexual attraction | Only feel sexual attraction after emotional intimacy |
| Often uninterested in sex | May enjoy sex once attraction forms |
| Exists on a spectrum | Is part of the asexual spectrum |
So, demisexuality is often considered a sub-identity under the asexual umbrella, but it’s distinct in its own right.
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How Do You Know if You’re Demisexual?
If you’re wondering whether you fall under the demisexual label, sex and relationships expert Zach Zane offers this tip: “If you’re someone who doesn’t like having casual or anonymous sex and prefers to get to know the person before having sex, you may be demisexual.”
Relationship therapist and psychotherapist at The Racial Equity Therapist, Domenique Harrison notes some other signs: “Demisexual folks rarely experience sexual attraction and may have very few examples of sexual and romantic feelings to reflect on in their life… They rarely initiate conversations about sex and don’t often have thoughts, feelings, and actions involving sex that match their peers.”
Zane clarifies that “you shouldn’t let demisexual define your behavior; rather, it should be reflective of your behavior.” The label reflects overall patterns rather than absolutes, so don’t let yourself be limited by what’s considered “normal” for demisexuals.
14 Signs You Might Be Demisexual
1. You Need To Bond Mentally – Zane shares that if you need to have an intellectual conversation with someone before feeling a spark of attraction, unable to connect sexually without a mental bond first, you may be demisexual.
2. Casual Sex Lacks Appeal – “The idea of causal or anonymous sex doesn’t arouse or excite you sexually,” says Zane.
3. Observing Attractiveness Stops There – “While you can acknowledge a stranger is attractive, you don’t find yourself fantasizing about having sex with them,” says Zane.
4. Emotional Connection Is a Main Priority – “You need to feel emotionally connected and safe with someone before you have any desire to have sex with them,” Zane explains. Safety enables vulnerability.
5. You’re Not Into “Friends With Benefits” –“Friends-with-benefits arrangements or having sex early on in a relationship doesn’t feel appealing,” explains Harrison. “Sex and instances of sexual and romantic intimacy are not high on the list of importance.”
6. Your Romantic Feelings Take Time –“Your feelings for someone may take longer to develop, and your emotional connection isn’t rushed,” says Harrison.
7. Attraction Can Also Take Time – Attraction comes through shared experiences over time, says Harrison. It’s not instant nor fleeting.
8. You Likely Lack a “Type” – Harrison explains that this can be because “emotional bonds define attractions more” than appearances.
9. Non-Sexual Connections Get Prioritization Early On –Conversations and common interests thrive first.
10. Physical Touch Requires Extra Comfort – As Harrison says, “Demisexual folks may need time to warm up to physical touch and touch intimacy.”
11. You Don’t Need To Talk About Certain Topics – You may have felt isolated among sexually-vocal peers, or that you needed to mask your discomfort, Harrison explains. Their constant sex chat felt foreign.
12. Crushing on Strangers Is Rare – Harrison states that demis “very rarely, if ever, develop crushes on strangers.”
13. Romantic Attraction Has Been Rare Throughout Your Life – You have few examples of romantic attraction to reflect on over your life so far, says Harrison. These fleeting moments stand out given their rarity.
14. This Label Has Brought Clarity – The demisexual label brought you clarity after lifelong confusion, shares Harrison. Finally, an explanation clicked for your atypical attractions.
Common Signs of Being Demisexual
Everyone’s experience is unique, but here are some common signs that someone might identify as demisexual:
- You don’t feel sexually attracted to strangers or casual acquaintances.
- You find dating apps or hookup culture unappealing.
- You may feel confused by others’ ability to be sexually attracted to someone quickly.
- You need a deep emotional bond before sexual attraction develops.
- Your relationships often start with strong friendship or emotional connection first.
Remember, this is not a checklist, it’s a guide to help you understand your own feelings and preferences.
Is Demisexuality Part of the LGBTQ+ Community?
Yes. While experiences vary, demisexuality is often included under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, particularly as part of the ace (asexual) spectrum. Demisexual individuals face unique experiences around dating, attraction, and visibility, making community and representation important.
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Conclusion
So, what does demisexual mean? In short, it describes someone who only experiences sexual attraction after a deep emotional bond has been formed. It’s a valid and important identity that highlights the diversity of human attraction and helps people understand themselves better.
If you think you might be demisexual, know that you’re not alone — and your experience is real. Whether you’re discovering your own orientation or supporting someone else, understanding and empathy are key.
FAQ: Demisexuality Explained
1. Can demisexual people still enjoy sex? Yes. Demisexual people can enjoy sex, but sexual attraction typically arises only after an emotional connection is formed.
2. Is demisexuality a phase or confusion? No. Like all orientations, demisexuality is a valid sexual identity and not simply confusion or a stage.
3. How is demisexuality different from waiting for the right person? While many people choose to wait before having sex, demisexuality is about attraction, not just personal or moral choices.
4. Are demisexual people part of the LGBTQ+ community? Yes. Many demisexual people consider themselves part of the LGBTQIA+ community, especially under the asexual umbrella.5. How do I know if I’m demisexual? There’s no test, but if you rarely or never feel sexual attraction without emotional closeness, you may be on the demisexual spectrum. Exploring resources or talking to others can help.
